I got reminded of how tough my boss is today. If you don't acknowledge her when she comes into the lobby, she gets really mad - apparantly it shows that you're not paying enough attention to those coming in and out and so not fulfilling the most important aspect of the receptionist job. Tanya, my immediate superior, pulled me in to talk about this cos the big boss was pretty mad about it and wants me to show immediate and dramatic improvement in this or I might be out on my ear. 

It shook me pretty bad cos I'd been improving all-round and my follow-up appraisal's next week and Tanya said it was gonna go well. Now there's a real spanner in the works, but I am determined to show that I can do it. Cos I know I'm capable of it, I'm just so frustrated that the big boss (and some of senior management, I've been told) isn't seeing it. I'm just not used to reaching these really exacting standards and I feel like I've let so many people down. Plus this is gonna go on my record which sucks. It was bad timing for my summer from hell (home-wise) to coincide with my new job and I just haven't been able to keep it out my work.

It was good to see my mentor tonight - she's like free therapy. She listens to me rant about stuff that's gone bad and gone good and asks questions occasionally and lets the silence stretch and then we pray. It's a good system and it works. I'm not gonna let this defeat me.

It's been a day or so of two very different halves. The good - I baked cookies yesterday morning that turned out nicely and had the whole house smelling gorgeous. It put me in a really good mood. I love baking.

The bad - I get to work and am told secretly by Dee that Tanya, my superior, has had a complaint about me on Tuesday. I am completely not understanding this, I've really tightened up my behaviour at work and Dee says she's seen a really positive difference. I cannot remember doing or saying anything remotely warranting a complaint. Yeah, I've been pretty ratty over the past month cos my personal life has been such a wreck. But I've been really trying to turn that around and prove I can do this job. What more do they want, my blood?! 

It's so frustrating, cos there's only so much I can do. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, but on the other hand I really wanna prove people wrong and show what I can do. It's making me question myself cos I've always been so good at interacting with people in a customer-server type fashion and now it's like 'actually you suck and people haven't stopped complaining about you even when you've been trying your best.' Grrrrrr. There is completely no pleasing some people.

It sucks sometimes to live in the UK, especially when it comes to DVD buying. I've gotten really keen on Highlander: The Series over the past year or so and have discovered through my research that it isn't available on DVD yet over here in the UK, only in Region 1 form. It's rare for it to happen anymore, for stuff to only be available in the USA and not here. I don't know if it'll ever be released over here but I hold out hope cos I really enjoy the episodes I've managed to find online. Not only does the show have a rampantly popular fanfic following (and rampant is the word for a lot of the fics I've come across, I didn't know it was possible for so much slash and smut to exist in just one fandom lol) but it also produced one of coolest, funniest and wiseass characters I've ever come across in Methos. The dude rocks and I want to see more of him lol. Also I haven't got a multiregion DVD player and even if I did there's no guarantee that the Region 1 discs would work. I'm trying not to get too obsessed cos mucho frustration lies down this path and is once more proof that I seek to make life difficult for myself and gravitate towards the impossible lol. Rant over now, I've vented lol.